In which I attempt to help my friend move on.
One of my best friends sent me a message through Facebook last night, and I have to admit it shocked me a bit. I mean, how do you reply to someone who sends you this message?
Kait, please help me. I need to move on.
Now my friend, who for anonymity's sake, I will name Ted (because he is literally the embodiment of Ted Moseby from How I Met Your Mother), has been in love with someone for a good three years now (a girl, who also for anonymity's sake, I will name Stella, because no matter how good the two of them might be, I personally think he just needs to move on from her), and is finally ready to move on.
I asked Ted why he asked me for help, when I'm known for being painfully in love with someone for seven years. And he said, 'Well, you eventually got over it. What did you do?'
And our discussion, nonetheless, became nothing short of a wild roller coaster ride.
In order to move on, you must delete all that can be deleted.
(I mean, come on. Ted has Stella's graduation picture saved into his laptop. Distance from things that remind you easily of the person you want to move on from is key.)
It's not necessarily deleting her from your life. It's deleting certain things that are easy to look at - PICTURES, for example where the object of affection looks good. But that doesn't mean deleting her from your life. It's distancing yourself from unnecessarily being reminded again and again of how beautiful she is in your eyes.
(To which Ted replies, okay, but Stella chats with me at random times. Maybe once a month.)
(I should mention by now that Ted and Stella are best friends. Ohhh, his poor, bleeding heart.)
There's nothing wrong with replying randomly. She's your best friend, and even I don't want you completely cutting her out of your life like that. But it's the time away from her that trains you to not have feelings for her, not to miss her. So that when she does message you again, you're prepared, your feelings aren't there as much. And it'll lessen. Little by little.
(And Ted replies, Woooow this feels difficult. And I reply with a gif of Steve Carell rolling his eyes.)
It's not supposed to be easy! Moving on isn't easy! If it were, I would've been over him years ago!
(Ted: I didn't expect moving on to be this intimidating. <pouting emoji>)
Ted. All I did was ask you to delete a fucking graduation picture. (Screw being deep and insightful)
(Ted: But it's her graduation picture!)
You can literally download it again from her Facebook if you want to.
(Ted: Thanks for giving me ideas)
Oh my God.
(Ted: Okay. What if I just hide them in my laptop, in a folder within a folder within a folder within another folder?)
If you let me do the hiding then I'll allow it.
And that's how I convinced my friend to start moving on.
Funny stuff aside, I realized that moving on isn't supposed to be easy. Moving on is hard. Moving on is being strong enough to realize that you need to let go, to move onto better things. Moving on is realizing that you deserve better, and realizing that you not being able to move on is you holding yourself back from what you deserve.
If you're reading this, and you want to move on, I hope you remember this. I hope you remember that moving on isn't supposed to be easy, and it's not supposed to happen in the blink of an eye. It'll happen in it's own time, in it's own place.
And when it does, you'll be happier than you ever were in a long time.
Kait, please help me. I need to move on.
Now my friend, who for anonymity's sake, I will name Ted (because he is literally the embodiment of Ted Moseby from How I Met Your Mother), has been in love with someone for a good three years now (a girl, who also for anonymity's sake, I will name Stella, because no matter how good the two of them might be, I personally think he just needs to move on from her), and is finally ready to move on.
I asked Ted why he asked me for help, when I'm known for being painfully in love with someone for seven years. And he said, 'Well, you eventually got over it. What did you do?'
And our discussion, nonetheless, became nothing short of a wild roller coaster ride.
In order to move on, you must delete all that can be deleted.
(I mean, come on. Ted has Stella's graduation picture saved into his laptop. Distance from things that remind you easily of the person you want to move on from is key.)
It's not necessarily deleting her from your life. It's deleting certain things that are easy to look at - PICTURES, for example where the object of affection looks good. But that doesn't mean deleting her from your life. It's distancing yourself from unnecessarily being reminded again and again of how beautiful she is in your eyes.
(To which Ted replies, okay, but Stella chats with me at random times. Maybe once a month.)
(I should mention by now that Ted and Stella are best friends. Ohhh, his poor, bleeding heart.)
There's nothing wrong with replying randomly. She's your best friend, and even I don't want you completely cutting her out of your life like that. But it's the time away from her that trains you to not have feelings for her, not to miss her. So that when she does message you again, you're prepared, your feelings aren't there as much. And it'll lessen. Little by little.
(And Ted replies, Woooow this feels difficult. And I reply with a gif of Steve Carell rolling his eyes.)
It's not supposed to be easy! Moving on isn't easy! If it were, I would've been over him years ago!
(Ted: I didn't expect moving on to be this intimidating. <pouting emoji>)
Ted. All I did was ask you to delete a fucking graduation picture. (Screw being deep and insightful)
(Ted: But it's her graduation picture!)
You can literally download it again from her Facebook if you want to.
(Ted: Thanks for giving me ideas)
Oh my God.
(Ted: Okay. What if I just hide them in my laptop, in a folder within a folder within a folder within another folder?)
If you let me do the hiding then I'll allow it.
And that's how I convinced my friend to start moving on.
Funny stuff aside, I realized that moving on isn't supposed to be easy. Moving on is hard. Moving on is being strong enough to realize that you need to let go, to move onto better things. Moving on is realizing that you deserve better, and realizing that you not being able to move on is you holding yourself back from what you deserve.
If you're reading this, and you want to move on, I hope you remember this. I hope you remember that moving on isn't supposed to be easy, and it's not supposed to happen in the blink of an eye. It'll happen in it's own time, in it's own place.
And when it does, you'll be happier than you ever were in a long time.
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