I'm a horrible friend.

If there's one thing, one thing at all, that I would change myself, it would be the way I treat my friends.

I don't know what my deal is - there's just something about me that craves solitude, even though I am well aware that I have friends, and that they are an integral part of life. I'm just a sh*tty friend in general. I'm horrible with birthdays. I'm even more horrible with outings. I guess one would call me a passive friend - I'm there, but not there. Do I even make sense?

I can't help but feel guilty at my 'efforts' in communicating with friends I've made, from Kindergarten all the way up to college and beyond. I'm too lazy to reply to messages on Facebook - and that's even when I feel it enough to go online on Facebook.

What is my problem? I have no idea. Am I trying to separate myself from them so that I don't miss them as much when I'm gone? Or am I just a sh*tty friend in general?